The New Day...

Forever?  For-never is more like it. That word..forever.  It's such a long, drawn-out word.  Surely, that 12-year old mind of that little girl desired for that chap to be hers forever.  It wasn't meant to be.  And so, at 16 I began working at a local department store.  I can still remember those late nights there.  My feet hurt so badly.  The only good that came out of that job was the opportunity for a modeling position--or so I guess.  I worked in the cosmetic and perfume area of J.C. Penney.  A lady by the name of Elizabeth Stevenson approached me and requested I model for them.  I was so surprised at her offer. Me?  No way. Surely, I had lost all that baby fat that once hung on my thighs, but a model?  No way.  No one would ever want this flighty, attention-seeking girl to work for them--and as a model?  No way.  But she did.  And so I accepted.  But that moment of being idolized as a model and...

  An Open Window... From where I sit, that window!  Oh!  That window!  One would think the window would let light in.  Just like shining a light into one's soul.  But no.  It doesn't.  Instead, I see rain-drenched grass, gray skies, and frowning treetops. Gosh! How I can identify with the outside today! Only that's how I feel on the inside.   My mind. It's a tricky thing.  I can drawback to the time when I was 12 years old.  That time when I learned of my mom's infidelity.  I learned of it on a summer morning by overhearing a phone call of her discussing the possibility of pregnancy--all while knowing my father could not father any more children.  In fact, he was downstairs cooking the most delicious breakfast.  What a blow to a pre-teen.  How could I handle such news. My young mind could not even fathom what I was hearing--and hearing it from inside my own bedroom.  What was I to do with this informati...

Starting new with you..... Those words seem so exciting.  They are exciting and yet a little scary--all in the same.  The past is in the past.  A new day dawning.  Hardships come and go.  The days pass with thunder and rain, with joy and pain, with laughter and tears.   How can I continue to breathe? Most days are like a total blur.  Well, they have been since it all started....nearly 30 years ago. Oh! Life!  Thou doth elude me! The sting... Who am I? Where did I come from?  Where am I going?  Where will I end up?  Awe! Those questions surround me daily.  Honestly, I thought I had it all together nearly 11 years ago.  Spoiler alert.  I didn't. Nor do I have it all together now.  The truth is that most days, I'm merely existing.  Existing in the hope and truth that God has a grander plan for me.  A plan that I do not see.  A plan that is on the horizon. But....my heart.  My ailing heart....